Dear Care and Feeding,
About a month ago, as I was getting my 11-month-old ready
for day care, I noticed that the left side of her face was drooping weirdly. My
husband and I spent that evening consulting Google and more or less arrived at
a diagnosis of Bell’s palsy. I made an appointment with her pediatrician.
The pediatrician, who has a stellar reputation, examined her
for less than two minutes and announced he would have to immediately consult a
pediatric neurologist. He left and returned about five minutes later, when he
breathlessly said: “You need to go to the hospital right now. I’ve called
ahead. They’re waiting for you at the emergency room.” I was stunned and asked
what he thought it was. He answered, “Do you really want to know?” Without
waiting for me to reply, he said, “Cranial nerve tumor.”
The next hour or so was a blur. We got to the ER, my husband
left work, and he and I had to help the nurses restrain my baby while they
stuck needles in her poor little hands and feet as she screamed in fear and
pain. It was the worst day of my life. We sat through an MRI that evening and
spent the night at the hospital and basically had to confront the possibility
that our baby would die. And then, the next morning, we got the results: Bell’s
palsy, probably caused by an ear or respiratory infection. It would clear up in
a few months.
Our immediate relief has now given way to rage at the
pediatrician who made us believe our daughter had a brain tumor based on a
two-minute exam. Even the neurologist who delivered the MRI results told us,
“No, a tumor wouldn’t even be in the first 10 things I’d check.” Every time I
think of this incident, my blood boils. I want to write a letter to our
now-ex-pediatrician and explain that this was a traumatic, devastating, and
totally unnecessary and irresponsible thing for him to do. I want to publicly ream
him out for this and make sure he cannot ever put another parent through what
we went through that day. I know doctors aren’t perfect, but this seems
inexcusable, and a big part of me wants some kind of justice. Please give me
some perspective.
Dear Traumatized,
I’m sorry for this ordeal. It sounds awful.
But please consider that there are parents and children
subjected to the same—indeed worse—who don’t get the happy reprieve of a
non-life-threatening diagnosis. There are parents who have to restrain their
infants for medical procedures day after day, and they would love the relief
you are now able to enjoy.
You’re mad at your doctor, and mad on behalf of your kid
being put through all that unnecessary pain, and maybe mad at the world,
generally, that it contains this kind of fear and stress. It’s maddening. I
understand.
I cannot say whether your doctor was negligent or impulsive
or anything else; you can’t either, though the clarity of hindsight makes you believe
you can. Honestly, it doesn’t matter. You have a healthy baby. You don’t need
justice too. Let this go.
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